她留下了一团糟SheLeftaMessBehind
杰儿·W。马努斯Jaye>
Iwatchherbaewtruckoutofthedriveickupiste,tooexpensive。She'drefusedtosideraprapactcarthatgetsgoodgasmileageaopark。It'sbee,Ithiittospiteme。
She'ddroppedoutofcollege,andI'dmadehere。Allsummerlongshe'dbeenanunstablecloudofgasolinefumes,lookingforamatchtosetheroff。We'dfoughtaboutherjob,aboutleavingschool,aboutherboyfrieure。She'dcriedalotandrebuffedallmyattemptstoforther。
“I'mtwenty,almost,”she'dtoldmesooftenthatmyteethached。“Iamanadult!”
&imeIsilentlyreplied,No,youarenot。Youstillwats,aodoyourlaundry,aopickuptoothpasteforyouwhenIgotothegrocerystore。
Nowsheisgoobeanadultfarawayfromme。I'mgladshe'sgone。She'simpossibleandddifficulttogetalongwith。Iamsickoffighting,tiredofhertantrums。
&herisachestelevisionandwillnotspeak。Hehelpedherwiththedowhetrudgooddeal。Heslippedhercashbeforesheleft。Iwanttosay。Ifonlyyouhadn'thelpedherbuythetruck,shewouldstillbehere。It'salie。
“Iamneveringbae。“I'magroanttolive。”
Whathadshebeendoiyyears?Existingiion?
&isupsetbythesuitdboxesanduions。She'shiding。ForamomentIfearshe'sshetruydaughterourefromwhichIamforbidden。
&amess。Herbathroomisanembarrassmentofdamptowels,out-of-dateetics,hairinthesiyshampoobottles。Ha!Somegrown-up!She'tevenpickupafterherself。I'llshowher。Shedoesn'twahme,doesn'twanttobemybabygirlanymore,fine。Ibeevehansheis。
Ibringaboxofbigblackgarbagebagsupstairs。Eyeshadow,facecream,glitternailpolishandastrihetrash。Idumpdrashelvesousse,bodyerfume。Irefusethtbeuseful,whatbesaved。Everythinggoes。Iscrubthetubandsinkofher。WhenIamfiisassterileandimpersonalasamotelbathroom。
InherbedroomIfindmismatchedsoderherbedaiesofloor。Deskdrawersarefilledwithschoolpapers,filedbyyearachmyselfreadingthroughpoemsandessays,admiringhighstestsandreadingheredortypedheupperrighthanderofeachpaper。Ipackthedesktsintoabox。Sixmonths。Ithink。IwilIgivehersixmonthstocings,andthenIwillthrowitallaway。Thatisfair。Grown-upspayfe。
Herbooksstymieme。Dr。Seuss,SweetValleyHigh,R。L。Stine,Baby-sittersClub,Shakespeare,TheOdysseyandTheIliad,romaoriovelsabooks。Alifetime;eachbookbeloved。Iwaless,tostufftheminpapersacksfortheusedbookstore。Ilovebooksasmuchasshedoes,Icramthemontoasinglebookshelftodeal>
Iwillturnherroomintoa。OrcreatethefaroomI'vealwayswa。Whengrowoohardandsheesgback,shestayiorsleeponthecouch。
Myruthlesshavengeance。Dresses,sweaters,leggings,andshoesshehasn'tworhgradearets。
&lessnessappallsme。DidIraisehertobelikethis?Totreatwhatsheoaidfor-assomuo,sheleftthismesstothumbherme,aspaybackfherlikethechildsheis。
“Falala,Mom,Iamofftoquertheworld,offtobiggerahings。Dobeadearandtakecareofthispiffle。”
Iamaplagueoflocustsemptyi。Twopilesgrowtoclumsyheights:oodwill,theothertrash。
Therearemoreshoes,stuffedanimalslargeandsmall,kniacks,feltpennants,posters,hairbands,andpinkfoamrollers。Thejertheloit。Howegirlulyt>
It'sobviousshedoesn'te,herfather,ourhwe'veprovided。Wearetheflotsamahedetritusofchildhood。
Istuffgarbagebagsuis。Ihaulthemdowwobagsatatime。DonationstoGoodwillgoirunkoestothecurb。Sweatandsoreshouldersfuelmyirritation。Myhusbahehouse,perhapstoavoidthesamefightI>
&hebedrumpled,theforterohesheetsiripofftheforter,blaresspad,andpillows。OsfeedioLaundromatmaes,she'llappreciatetheyearsofclothesI'veprovidedforfree。
Iturress。Alargemanilaenvelopeismarked“DONOTTHROenit。Morepapers。Idumpthetsohereareoldphotographs,letters,greetingdnotesfilledyses,badpuns,andsillyhereareicsclippedfromneersandbookreviews。Everysiemhadpassedfrommyhandtohers。
“DONOTTHRO>
Darnedkidk。
Ireadoveralifetimeofinsidejokesaimehepi'tsuchabadidea,afterall。Maybeithelpshertofeellesssmallinabigworld。Maybe,too,theawfulsummerwasn'tformybeforhers。It'seasiertoleavewhenshe'scedsheistooangrytostay。
&rievegarbagebagsfromthedthecurb。dshoesgobatothecloset。Iremakethebedahstuffedanimals。Theksintotheroomandlooksaroundwithsuspiciouseyes。FinallyshemakesaplaceforherselfbetweenaChristmasbearaerbunny。Myhusbandeandcallsupthestairs。
“Juststraighteningup,”Itellhim。“youfindsomeboxesforherstuff?”