第44章流年故事(9)
&oldhowgoodshewastrand-,havingustothegreathouseintheholidays,whereIinparticularusedtospendmanyhoursbymyself,ingazinguposoftheTwelveCaesars,thathadbeenEmperorsofRome,tilltheoldmarbleheadswouldseemtoliveagain,orItobeturomarblewiththem,howInevercouldbefiredwithroamingaboutthathugemansion,withitsvastemptymoms,withtheirworn-outhangings,flutteriryandcarvedoakehegildingalmostrubbedout—sometimesinthespaciousold—fashionedgardens,whichIhadalmosttomyself,unlesswhennowaarygardeningmanwoulde—aarinesandpeaguponthewalls,withoutmyevertopluckthem,becausetheywereforbiddenfruit,unlessnowandthen,—andbecauseIhadmorepleasureinstrollingaboutamongtheoldmelancholy-lookihefirs,andpiguptheredberries,andthefirapples,whichweregbuttoloaboutuprass,withallthefinegardensmellsaroundme—intheery,tillIostfancymyselfripening,too;alongwiththeesandthelimesinthatgratefulwarmth—orinwatgthedacethatdartedtoandfrointhefishpoomofthegravehereagreatsulkypikehangingmidaterie,asifitmockedattheirimpertifrisking,—Ihadmorepleasureinthesebusy-idlediversionsthaniflavorsofpeaees,es,andsuonbaitsof。HereJohedbatheplateabunchofgrapes,whiobservedbyAlice,hehadmeditateddividingwithher,andbothseemedwillingtoreliheprese。
Theamhteoldhow,thrandmotherFieldlovedallhergrainanespeershemightbesaidtolovetheirunL。—becausehewassohandsomeah,andakiofus;and,insteadofmopingaboutinsolitaryers,likesomeofus,hewouldmoutlesomehorsehecouldget,hemselves,acarryhimhalfovertheam,andjoierswhentherewereanyout—aheoldgreathouseaoo,buthadtoomuchspirittobealentupwithiies—andhrewuptomaeasbraveashewashaheadmirationofeverybody,butrandmotherFieldmostespedhowheusedtocarrymeuponhisbaIwasalame—footedboy—forhewasagoodbitolderthanme—manyamilewhenIotain;—andhowinafterlifehebecamelame-footedtoo,andIdidnotalways(Ifear)makeallowanoughforhimatientandinpain,norremembersuffitlyhowsideratehehadbeentomewhenIwaslame-footed;andhowwhehoughhehadnotbeendeadanhour,itseemedasifhehaddiedagreatwhileago,suchadistawixtlifeah;andhowIborehisdeathaskthoughtprettywellatfirst,butafterwardsithauntedandhauhoughIdidnotcryortakeittoheartassomedo,andasIthinkhewouldhavedoneifIhaddied,yetImissedhimalldaylong,aillthenhowmuchIhadlovedhim,Imissedhiskindness,andImissedhisess,aobealiveagain,twithhim(forwequarreledsometimes),ratherthannothavehimagain,andwasasuhouthim,ashetheirpooruhavebeeookoffhislimboHerethefelladaskediftheirlittlemwhichtheyhadonwasnotforun,andtheylookedup,atogoonabouttheiruotellthemsomestoriesabouttheirprettydeadmother。
&oldhowforsevenlongyears,iimes,sometimesindespair,yetpersistingever,IcourtedthefairAlid,asmuchasderstand,Iexplaiess,anddiffiddeinmadness—wheurningtoAlice,thesoulofthefirstAlicelookedoutathereyeswithsucharealityofrepreseIbedoubtwhistoodtherebeforeme,orwhosethatbrighthairwas;aoodgazing,boththegraduallygrewfaiomyview,redstillreg,fillnothingatlastbuttwomourureswereseeermostdistance,which,withoutspeegelyimpresseduposofspeech:“WearenotofAliorofthee,norareweatall。TheofAlicecallBarmanfather。Wearenothihannothing,anddreams。Weareonlywhatmighthavebeen,andmustoediousshoresofLethemillionsofagesbeforewehaveexistendaname”aelyawaking,Ifoulyseatedinmybachair,whereIhadfallehefaithfulBridgetungedbymyside—butJohnL。(orJamesElia)wasgoneforever。